


If Only

by Slashmommy



Category: Inspector Morse (TV)
Genre: Episode: Deadly Slumber, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 01:58:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slashmommy/pseuds/Slashmommy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Published originally for Fanfic 100 in 2005.  Morse ponders how things could have been different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Only

It had been two days since Morse had figured out that John Brewster had killed Michael Stepping. It had been one day since he'd gone to visit Avril Brewster and found that her mother had already taken the girl off life support. Almost as many days had passed since the case was closed as it had been open, but he couldn't put it behind him. There had been something about Michael Steppings that had drawn Morse. They both knew what it was like to lose a child. True, Marilyn wasn't his daughter, but she was as close as he would ever get to having children of his own. Lewis was sympathetic, but he couldn't truly understand and Morse was glad he didn't know that kind of pain. He could understand Steppings' need to have those responsible punished, his pain at being all alone. Yes, Morse had Joyce and her family, but Joyce and Keith had each other while he was on his own. For a short time, he'd found someone with whom --

"Sir?" Lewis said quietly, pulling Morse out of his introspection.

"Yes?"

"It's late, sir. Why don't you go off home? There's not much to do round here until forensics gets back to us."

"You're probably right. I just ..."

"You can think at home as easily as you can here."

"The case..."

"You aren't thinking about the case and we both know it. Go on. Maybe if you have a good brood about it, you'll be able to move on."

Morse gave Lewis a half hearted smile. Only Joyce knew him better than Lewis and even she didn't know him that well. Part of him wondered what Lewis would say if he knew just how close he'd got to Michael Steppings. Oh, Lewis knew that he'd gone above and beyond to prove the man innocent and that he'd visited Avril, but Morse had never mentioned his visits with the man after he'd been released. He never offered to explain why Steppings had said in his note that he regretted having to deceive him or why Steppings had bothered to leave him a note at all.

"Perhaps you're right. I will get as much done at home as I will here. See you in the morning," Morse said, picking up his coat and heading out of the office.

Once he was seated in the jag, Morse let his head rest on the steering wheel. If only things had been different. If he hadn't pressed, if he'd taken Brewster's confession at face value, Michael might well still be alive. Michael might have managed to punish the Brewsters for what they'd done to Avril and still been here.

His need for the truth had destroyed his chance. If it weren't for his need to find the truth, he wouldn't be going home to an empty house.


End file.
